…Or Should You?
There’s a particular kind of exhaustion that settles in when you’ve spent years being everything to everyone. As a woman in her mid-40s, I know it well, and imagine you might also be a constant balancing act between being a mother, a daughter, a partner, a colleague. You recognise her, don’t you? You’re the dependable one at work and the emotional anchor at home, but your life has become a series of overlapping to-do lists, invisible responsibilities, and the quiet hope that at some point you’ll find a moment to breathe again gets further away!
I thought I was winning at life, but the truth is, when you’re always running on empty, you rarely ask yourself what you actually need. You want things to change, desperately, sometimes, but that change can feel impossible when your reserves are gone. It’s far easier to cling to what’s familiar, even if it’s draining you, than to face the fear of stepping into something new.
Why We Grab the Nearest Lifeline
It never ceases to amaze me how quickly fear can rule our decisions, even when we think we’re being logical. We only have to look at the UK when someone whispers “snow” (sorry, but I woke up to snow fall this morning!), suddenly everyone is bulk-buying bread, milk, and loo roll as if the world is ending. Panic nearly always overrides sense and the snow usually melts by mid-day!
That same reaction happens in our day-to-day lives, especially when we’re overwhelmed, and one of the biggest gifts to self we can give is starting to notice when we are feeling it. If any of the statements below are familiar, lets chat sometime, I’m sure we can find some common ground here!
Those choices might look practical from the outside, but when you’re choosing from a place of fear, they’re not really choices at all, they’re reactions which means they’re survival moves. Worse than that, what if a “temporary” decision that is driven by fear, puts down roots? Months pass, years even, and before you know it, that stop gap has become the shape of your life. You might tell yourself, it’ll do for now, but now has a habit of stretching.
The job that was meant to tide you over becomes the career you never actually wanted.
The role you stepped into because someone had to becomes the identity you’re expected to maintain.
The safe choice becomes the comfort zone that gradually shrinks around you.
…and somewhere in all of that, it gets harder to tell whether you’re living a life or just managing it.
Before You Leap, Learn to Float
When everything feels heavy or uncertain, the instinct is to rush into the next thing, to fix it, to stabilise it, to grab the nearest branch simply because it’s there, but sometimes the bravest thing you can do is pause.
…Tread water
…Float
…Let yourself breathe
You need to know (crumbs, I need to know!), that stillness isn’t failure! Stillness is information, it’s a place where clarity begins. When you give yourself even a little space, the questions that matter start to rise to the surface… and you have protected time to hear them
That pause, that tiny, quiet moment you carve out for yourself, is where your power gathers.
Who Are You Beneath All the Roles?
So much of our lives is spent showing up as the roles we’ve taken, you’re the one who holds everything together. Somewhere beneath all of that is a woman who rarely gets asked what she wants, and over time, it becomes easy to lose sight of her altogether.
Looking underneath those roles can feel uncomfortable, even frightening and you might even worry you won’t recognise the person beneath them, or that you will, and realise how long she’s been overlooked. The simple truth is, you can’t create a life that fits you if you don’t start with who you really are.
This isn’t about ego; it’s about grounding and creating strong foundations. When you validate your own needs, your own voice, your own worth, you stop waiting for others to grant you permission to slow down, want more, or to put yourself first.
…and the only permission that truly changes anything is the one you give yourself!
Responding Instead of Reacting
We’ve all heard the phrase Feel the fear and do it anyway, but what if rushing into action is just another form of panic? Or another way to bypass discomfort rather than understand it?
Sometimes the bravest response isn’t immediate action (that’s survival mode), it’s listening, feeling the fear and acknowledging it so that you can understand more about why that feeling has surfaced. Stay with yourself long enough to hear what’s true, challenge your inner critic, and then choosing, not reacting, from a place of clarity what serves you. Why, because like the formula above shows us, the event (thing that happened), and your reaction (what you do, or don’t do), adds up to the outcome (the result).
If you’re standing at a crossroads right now, exhausted, unsure, wanting change but terrified of losing stability, let this be your moment to pause rather than push.
Ask yourself…
Who am I when the noise stops and the role titles fall away?
What do I need, not just to cope, but to thrive?
What would it feel like to trust myself again, even through the fear?
…and remember!
You’re not stuck > You’re recalibrating
You’re not behind > You’re listening
You’re not failing > You’re learning to live on your terms
…and from that place, you can choose a future that fits you, not just the version of you who was surviving.
If you’re curious about exploring this gently and honestly, I’m here. If you want me to send you my Fear Vs Alignment 5 Step Decision Making Filter sheet, so you ca start finding yourself again, before the fear decides for you Contact Me
